Rethinking Discipline: Building Resilience Through Restorative Practices

As educators, we’ve all had those moments when we’re at our wits’ end when a student disrupts the learning. It’s tempting to reach for the nearest behavior chart or send them to the principal’s office. After all, that’s how it’s been done for years, right? But what if there’s a better way—a way that doesn’t just stop the disruption in the moment but helps that student grow and learn in the long run?

Let’s face it: traditional discipline methods often miss the mark. Detentions, suspensions, color-coded charts, and point systems might seem like quick fixes, but they don’t address the underlying issues. Sometimes, they do more harm than good, especially for students who are already dealing with difficult situations outside of school.

So, what’s the alternative? Use a resilience-focused approach by implementing restorative practices—a kinder, more effective way to handle discipline that focuses on building connections, teaching empathy, and helping students learn from their mistakes.

Why Traditional Discipline Falls Short

Let’s think about it: when we “punish” a student for misbehaving or making a poor choice, what are we teaching them? That making mistakes leads to shame or isolation? That they’re “bad” for having a rough day? These messages don’t help our students; they make them feel worse. If we’re being honest with ourselves, that approach doesn’t work for us either when we make a mistake! And for kids who’ve experienced trauma, punitive measures can be especially damaging.

Traditional discipline often prioritizes control over care, focusing on compliance rather than understanding. We might get short-term results, but they’re only temporary, and we’re missing out on an opportunity to truly help our students grow. Plus, let’s be honest—these methods can make us feel like we’re constantly playing the role of “disciplinarian,” which isn’t why most of us became educators in the first place. How exhausting that can be!

The Power of Restorative Practices

Restorative practices turn discipline on its head. Instead of asking, “How do I punish this behavior?” we ask, “What is happening or has happened to this student?” “What universal needs are not being met?” “How do I help this student learn and grow from this experience?” It’s a subtle shift, a true mindset shift, but it makes all the difference.

Imagine this: A student disrupts class in a desperate attempt to meet their need for belonging by doing anything to make their peers laugh. Instead of reaching for the behavior chart, you take a breath, acknowledge their presence in the class, remind them of the agreed-upon norms for the class during learning time, and invite them to chat with you. During that chat (maybe before the class period ends or perhaps later that day during lunch), you ask what’s going on and listen—really listen—to their perspective. Maybe they’re feeling frustrated about something outside of school, feeling left out, or maybe they didn’t realize how their actions affected others. Together, you figure out a way to make things right.

This approach isn’t about letting kids off the hook. It’s about holding them accountable in a way that’s supportive rather than punitive. It teaches them problem-solving skills, empathy, and responsibility—skills that will serve them far beyond the classroom.

Making the Shift: Small Steps, Big Impact

Shifting from punitive discipline to a restorative approach might sound like a significant change, but it doesn’t have to happen overnight. Here are a few simple, effective strategies to get started:

  1. Get Curious About Who Your Students Are: Building strong relationships is the foundation of restorative practices. Take the time to learn about your students—their interests, challenges, and what makes them tick. Students are more likely to engage positively when they feel seen and valued.
  2. Create a Calming Space: Instead of a traditional time-out spot, designate a calm space in your classroom where students can go to regroup when they’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s a space for them to cool down and reflect, not to feel isolated or punished. This space is helpful for all students across all grade levels. Actually, it’s even great in a staff lounge for adults, too! Have fun and be creative with what to name it.
  3. Hold Restorative Circles: Restorative circles are a great way to build community and address conflicts in a supportive environment. They allow students to voice their feelings, listen to others, and work together to find solutions. And remember, they take practice!
  4. Teach Problem-Solving: Instead of handing down consequences or providing them with what you believe is the “right” thing to do, involve students in the process of figuring out how to make things right. Guide them through identifying the problem, understanding its impact, and devising a plan to repair the harm.
  5. Reflect on Your Approach: Take a moment to consider the discipline strategies you currently use. Are they genuinely helping your students learn and grow? If not, don’t be afraid to make changes. We’re all learning and evolving as educators, and trying something new is okay.

A New Way Forward

Rethinking discipline isn’t about letting go of structure or accountability—it’s about creating an environment where every student feels safe, supported, and capable of making better choices. By embracing restorative practices, we’re not just managing behavior; we’re nurturing resilience and building a stronger school community.

So, let’s take a step back from those old-school discipline methods and try something different. Our students deserve a chance to learn from their mistakes without feeling ashamed or excluded. And we, as educators, deserve the satisfaction of knowing that we’re genuinely helping our students grow into the best versions of themselves.

With a little patience, compassion, and a willingness to rethink how we approach discipline, we can create schools that aren’t just places of learning but spaces of healing and growth. Let’s make it happen—one conversation, one connection, and one restorative practice at a time.