You know it before they say a word. Sometimes long before they ever will.
Maybe it’s the way they flinch when someone moves too fast. Or how they laugh a little too loudly, too often, as if trying to drown out a part of themselves they fear is broken beyond repair. Maybe it’s their need to control everything—or nothing at all. The way they bristle at kindness or seem to vanish in plain sight.
This is how quiet pain enters classrooms, counseling offices, locker rooms, and living rooms. It doesn’t always come with words. But we feel it. In the heavy silences. In the resistance. In the fear behind the eyes of a child who has learned that the world isn’t always safe—or fair.
These children didn’t choose their trauma. But now, they carry the burden of surviving it.
What Survivors Need—and What They Don’t
Sexual assault is one of the most invasive and complex traumas a young person can endure. And for those of us who work with youth—educators, counselors, coaches, mentors, social workers, caregivers—it often leaves us asking:
What do I say? What do I do? How do I help when I can’t undo what’s been done?
Start here: It’s not your job to “fix it.”
You don’t need to rescue them or say the perfect thing. You only need to show up—steadily, consistently, compassionately. Show up and see them. Not for the behaviors that make them hard to reach, but for the human being behind those behaviors.
Because often, what looks like defiance, disconnection, or disinterest is really a trauma response—the only way they know how to say:
“I didn’t choose what happened to me, but I need someone to help me believe I still get to choose what happens next.”
Creating Spaces of Safety and Belonging
When the world feels unsafe, youth don’t need more lectures, pressure, or problem-solving. They need spaces where:
- They don’t have to be perfect to be protected.
- Love doesn’t have to be earned.
- Their “no” is respected.
- Their silence isn’t punished.
- They’re allowed to take up space—without explaining why they’re struggling to breathe in it.
At Starr, we believe in the power of that space. We’ve seen the difference that one steady, trusted adult can make: someone who doesn’t look away when things get uncomfortable, who listens more than they speak, who doesn’t rush the healing—but sits in it with them.
An adult who says: “You are not too much. You are not too broken. You are not too late. You are perfect exactly as you are.”
What Support Looks Like in Action
So, what does that support actually look like?
- Offering choices—big and small.
Ask, “Would you like to sit by the window or the door?” or “Do you want to talk now or later?” These moments return a sense of control. - Respecting boundaries.
Even if you don’t understand them. Even when it’s hard. - Letting them guide the healing.
Even if their journey doesn’t look like a neat, upward climb. - Reclaiming mastery.
Help them try something new, succeed at something small, and feel capable again. - Reconnecting with generosity.
When they’re ready, support them in rediscovering they still have something beautiful to give to the world.
But above all else: Help them believe they still belong.
The Wound of Disconnection—and the Power of Presence
The deepest wound trauma leaves is disconnection. It whispers:
You don’t matter.
You’re not safe.
You’re not lovable.
Your role—our role—is to challenge that lie, every single day, with our presence, our patience, and our unwavering belief in their capacity to heal.
Here’s the truth: We don’t see broken kids. We see brave ones.
We don’t believe trauma writes the final chapter. We believe healing rewrites it—with love, safety, power, and resilience at the heart of the story.
You Make the Difference
If you’re doing this work—whether it’s in a school hallway, a therapy office, a kitchen table, or the sidelines of a game—thank you. You are the light in someone’s darkness. You may never fully know the impact you’ve made, but they will. One day, that child may look back and realize:
They made it through because you stayed.
In Honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, let us remember:
Healing isn’t a magic word or a single breakthrough moment.
It’s a thousand quiet acts of love, repeated day after day.
It’s not perfect.
It’s not always easy.
But it is always worth it.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re supporting a young person impacted by sexual trauma—or any traumatic experience—Starr Commonwealth is here to walk beside you. Our tools, trainings, and programs are grounded in compassion, resilience, and belonging.
They don’t need us to have all the answers.
They just need us to stay.
