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Courageous Choices in the Classroom: Prioritizing SEL to Fuel Student Growth (and Keep You Inspired) 

Dear Teachers—yes, you, the superhero with the coffee-stained lanyard and 37 tabs open in your brain—we see you. And this one’s for you. 
 
Let’s be real: teaching today isn’t for the faint of heart. You’re asked to be a mentor, counselor, parent, content expert, tech whiz, classroom manager, emotional barometer, snack distributor, and walking encyclopedia—all before lunch. And yet, here you are, still showing up, still giving your all. Why? Because you remember your “why.” 
 
You didn’t step into this work just to cover standards—you came to change lives. To spark curiosity. To be the one who sees the student who thinks they’re invisible. And during Teacher Appreciation Week, we want to say this loud and clear: 
 
We appreciate you. We honor you. We’re here to support you. 
 
At Starr Commonwealth, we believe that at the heart of every strong classroom is a relationship—and at the root of every learning breakthrough is emotional safety. That’s why we’re passionate about helping you prioritize social-emotional learning (SEL) from a trauma-responsive lens that fuels resilience in every student. 

Why SEL Matters Now More Than Ever

Think of your classroom as a garden. You can scatter all the academic seeds you want—but if the soil isn’t healthy, the learning won’t grow. SEL is that fertile ground. When kids feel safe, connected, and seen, their brains literally open up to learning.

As Dr. Bruce Perry and other trauma experts have taught us, children’s brains aren’t wired to learn when they’re stuck in survival mode. So before we pile on fractions or figurative language, we must ensure we’re addressing their most basic needs first—just like Maslow before Bloom, and the Circle of Courage before curriculum.

4 Courageous SEL Choices You Can Make (Even On the Tough Days)

Inspired by the Courageous Choices framework, here are four practical, teacher-tested strategies that put resilience and SEL front and center—without adding 10 more things to your to-do list. 

1. Choose Connection Over Compliance
Before correcting a behavior, ask: What is this child trying to communicate? 

🛠️ Try this: Greet each student by name every day. Post a “mood meter” check-in at your door. Use a quick “2×10 strategy”—two minutes of conversation for 10 days straight with a student who needs connection most. 

2. Choose Safety Over Shame
Mistakes happen (yes, even on your 3rd cup of coffee). Help students learn that it’s safe to stumble here—and that repair is always possible.

🛠️ Try this: When correcting behavior, stick to “what” and “why,” not “who.” Use restorative questions like: Who was impacted? What needs to be made right?

3. Choose Regulation Over Reaction
Their behavior may be loud, but the root cause is often silent. Dysregulated kids aren’t “bad”—they’re overwhelmed.

🛠️ Try this: Create a calm-down space in your room. Teach and model co-regulation—deep breaths, grounding techniques, even brain breaks with a touch of humor (“Dance like your WiFi just came back!”).

4. Choose Strength Over Struggle
Every student (yes, even that one) has brilliance inside them. Sometimes, you have to dig a little.

🛠️ Try this: Give students meaningful classroom jobs that build belonging. Celebrate small wins. Use language like “I noticed…” or “You showed courage when…” to spotlight their resilience.

Take Care of You, Too—Because You Can’t Pour From an Empty Coffee Mug

Educators often feel like the last on the list. But your well-being isn’t a luxury—it’s essential.

❤️ Pro tip: Build your own SEL routine. Take 3 deep breaths before the bell. Keep a gratitude jar. Vent to a trusted colleague. Say no when you need to. You’re human, too—and that’s your greatest teaching superpower. 

A Final Note of Appreciation

Teaching is a courageous choice. Every day you choose to show up, even when it’s hard. You choose to believe in kids who don’t yet believe in themselves. You choose to plant seeds you may never get to see bloom. 

But we see you. And we’re grateful beyond words. From all of us at Starr Commonwealth: Thank you for your heart, your hustle, and your unwavering hope. May this Teacher Appreciation Week remind you that your work—and your why—matters more than ever. 

Want more support for building SEL and resilience in your classroom?
Check out our Courageous Choices tools and resources—created with you in mind. And, in celebration of Teacher Appreciation Week, we’re saying thank you with a special gift!

When you purchase any Courageous Choices package between now and May 31, you’ll receive a FREE tote bag with your order—a small token of our appreciation for the big work you do.


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The Quiet Pain: What Youth Survivors of Sexual Assault Need Most 

You know it before they say a word. Sometimes long before they ever will. 

Maybe it’s the way they flinch when someone moves too fast. Or how they laugh a little too loudly, too often, as if trying to drown out a part of themselves they fear is broken beyond repair. Maybe it’s their need to control everything—or nothing at all. The way they bristle at kindness or seem to vanish in plain sight. 

This is how quiet pain enters classrooms, counseling offices, locker rooms, and living rooms. It doesn’t always come with words. But we feel it. In the heavy silences. In the resistance. In the fear behind the eyes of a child who has learned that the world isn’t always safe—or fair. 

These children didn’t choose their trauma. But now, they carry the burden of surviving it. 

What Survivors Need—and What They Don’t 

Sexual assault is one of the most invasive and complex traumas a young person can endure. And for those of us who work with youth—educators, counselors, coaches, mentors, social workers, caregivers—it often leaves us asking: 
What do I say? What do I do? How do I help when I can’t undo what’s been done? 

Start here: It’s not your job to “fix it.” 
You don’t need to rescue them or say the perfect thing. You only need to show up—steadily, consistently, compassionately. Show up and see them. Not for the behaviors that make them hard to reach, but for the human being behind those behaviors. 

Because often, what looks like defiance, disconnection, or disinterest is really a trauma response—the only way they know how to say: 
“I didn’t choose what happened to me, but I need someone to help me believe I still get to choose what happens next.” 

Creating Spaces of Safety and Belonging 

When the world feels unsafe, youth don’t need more lectures, pressure, or problem-solving. They need spaces where: 

  • They don’t have to be perfect to be protected. 
  • Love doesn’t have to be earned. 
  • Their “no” is respected. 
  • Their silence isn’t punished. 
  • They’re allowed to take up space—without explaining why they’re struggling to breathe in it. 

At Starr, we believe in the power of that space. We’ve seen the difference that one steady, trusted adult can make: someone who doesn’t look away when things get uncomfortable, who listens more than they speak, who doesn’t rush the healing—but sits in it with them. 

An adult who says: “You are not too much. You are not too broken. You are not too late. You are perfect exactly as you are.” 

What Support Looks Like in Action 

So, what does that support actually look like? 

  • Offering choices—big and small. 
    Ask, “Would you like to sit by the window or the door?” or “Do you want to talk now or later?” These moments return a sense of control. 
  • Respecting boundaries. 
    Even if you don’t understand them. Even when it’s hard. 
  • Letting them guide the healing. 
    Even if their journey doesn’t look like a neat, upward climb. 
  • Reclaiming mastery. 
    Help them try something new, succeed at something small, and feel capable again. 
  • Reconnecting with generosity. 
    When they’re ready, support them in rediscovering they still have something beautiful to give to the world. 

But above all else: Help them believe they still belong. 

The Wound of Disconnection—and the Power of Presence 

The deepest wound trauma leaves is disconnection. It whispers: 

You don’t matter. 
You’re not safe. 
You’re not lovable. 

Your role—our role—is to challenge that lie, every single day, with our presence, our patience, and our unwavering belief in their capacity to heal. 

Here’s the truth: We don’t see broken kids. We see brave ones. 
We don’t believe trauma writes the final chapter. We believe healing rewrites it—with love, safety, power, and resilience at the heart of the story. 

You Make the Difference 

If you’re doing this work—whether it’s in a school hallway, a therapy office, a kitchen table, or the sidelines of a game—thank you. You are the light in someone’s darkness. You may never fully know the impact you’ve made, but they will. One day, that child may look back and realize: 

They made it through because you stayed. 

In Honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, let us remember: 

Healing isn’t a magic word or a single breakthrough moment. 
It’s a thousand quiet acts of love, repeated day after day. 
It’s not perfect. 
It’s not always easy. 
But it is always worth it. 

And you don’t have to do it alone. 

If you’re supporting a young person impacted by sexual trauma—or any traumatic experience—Starr Commonwealth is here to walk beside you. Our tools, trainings, and programs are grounded in compassion, resilience, and belonging.

They don’t need us to have all the answers. 
They just need us to stay. 

 

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Embracing Joyful Learning: Prioritizing Play and Empathy in Secondary Classrooms

In the vibrant tapestry of education, every thread contributes to the rich fabric of student growth and empowerment. As we navigate the complex landscape of trauma-informed teaching, let’s weave in the colorful threads of play, brain breaks, and sensory-based interventions, especially in our secondary classrooms. Because who said learning can’t be a joyful adventure?

Spark of Play: Let’s reimagine our classrooms as playgrounds of possibility! Introduce games, collaborative challenges, and interactive experiences that ignite the imagination of even our most stoic learners. After all, age is just a number when it comes to the joy of play. When students engage in play, they’re not just learning; they’re exploring, discovering, and building connections with each other and the material. In these moments of play, barriers dissolve, and the magic of learning truly shines.

Refresh and Recharge: Picture this… a classroom buzzing with energy and enthusiasm, punctuated by joyful movement and reflection moments. That’s the power of brain breaks! By infusing our day with these rejuvenating pauses, we invite students to stretch their bodies, quiet their minds, and reconnect with their innate curiosity. Whether it’s a spontaneous dance party or a peaceful mindfulness exercise, these breaks are like bursts of sunshine amid academic clouds, energizing our students for the journey ahead.

Sensory Symphony: Welcome to the sensory wonderland of learning! Sensory-based interventions offer a kaleidoscope of tools and experiences to support our students’ diverse needs. From squishy stress balls to soothing textures, these interventions empower students to regulate their emotions and engage with learning on their own terms. And yes, embracing the unknown can be an adventure in itself! Let’s embark on this journey with open hearts and minds, celebrating the joy of discovery and growth.

Pro Tip – Be the Guiding Light: As we continue our venture into this realm of joyful learning, let’s illuminate the path with empathy and understanding. Introduce new tools with intention, guiding students through their use and embracing the beautiful chaos of exploration. Together, let’s co-create a classroom agreement that honors each voice and fosters a culture of respect and collaboration. In this space of shared ownership, every stumble becomes a stepping stone towards greater empathy and resilience.

Here are 10 joyful ways to begin prioritizing play in your learning space today:

In the mosaic of education, every student deserves a place to shine. By embracing play, brain breaks, and sensory-based interventions, we not only create trauma-responsive classrooms but also cultivate communities where every voice is heard and valued. So, let’s embark on this journey with joy in our hearts and curiosity in our souls, lighting the way toward a future of inclusive education and radiant futures where every child can flourish.

Check out these additional resources in our store!

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Cultivating Belonging: Alternatives to Suspensions for Nurturing School Communities

One of the most common misconceptions about schools becoming trauma-informed and resilience-focused is that the approach allows space for excused behaviors and creates opportunities for students to escape the consequences of their choices. However, this could not be further from the reality of the philosophy and fundamental pillars of creating a trauma-responsive disciplinary system.

Conventional disciplinary actions like suspensions often fail to address the underlying needs of students and families, jeopardizing their sense of belonging and connection within the school community. However, there are alternative strategies grounded in a trauma-informed, resilience-focused mindset that prioritizes support and growth over punitive measures. Research consistently underscores the harmful effects of suspensions on students’ academic performance, mental well-being, and prospects (Skiba et al., 2011). Rather than perpetuating cycles of disconnection, schools can adopt proactive interventions aimed at tackling the root causes of behavioral issues while fostering a culture of belonging.

One powerful alternative is the implementation of restorative justice practices. Emphasizing accountability, empathy, and the restoration of harm, restorative circles, mediation, and dialogue offer students opportunities to reflect on their actions, understand their impact on others, and collaboratively seek solutions that promote healing and reconciliation. Within a robust restorative practice implementation, the process would include proactive and universal structures to prevent harmful behaviors and reactive structures to repair and restore the harm once it is done. Having both ends of the restorative spectrum fully in place is key when aiming for the most impactful and effective implementation.

Moreover, trauma-informed approaches recognize that disruptive behaviors often stem from unresolved trauma or unmet social-emotional needs (SAMHSA, 2014). Introducing trauma-sensitive practices into the curriculum and school environment creates safe spaces where students feel supported, understood, and empowered to navigate challenges constructively. It empowers staff to apply a curious mindset to consider what is or has happened in a child’s world, contributing to their decision-making process. This includes considering which Universal Needs are being met and unmet (Belonging, Independence, Mastery, and Generosity) and considering the student’s private logic contributing to their emotional reaction which drives their thoughts as they consider their choices. Once we identify which areas of their Circle of Courage are broken, we can create plans to intentionally mend those broken Circles and meet their needs proactively as we foster healing.

When considering consequences to apply in response to a challenging experience within the school, one should always aim to:

  • Apply a curious mindset: Staff should consider the background and circumstances of the student before applying any consequences. This includes recognizing any potential trauma the student may have experienced, such as adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), socioeconomic challenges, or mental health issues. By understanding the context, administrators can approach the situation with empathy and tailor consequences accordingly.
  • Focus on Belonging: Instead of resorting solely to punitive measures, staff should prioritize building positive relationships with students. This can involve engaging in restorative practices such as open dialogue, active listening, and problem-solving discussions. Strong relationships foster trust and understanding, essential for effectively implementing restorative consequences. If exclusionary practices are required due to the nature of the incident, communication with the student and family, while they are being kept from school, is critical, along with scheduling a time to connect with the student upon their reintegration into school to reestablish that connection and sense of belonging.
  • Promoting Accountability and Growth: Restorative consequences should aim to hold students accountable for their actions while providing opportunities for reflection and personal growth. Staff can achieve this by involving students in decision-making and encouraging them to take ownership of their behavior. Restorative consequences should be either natural or logical and focus on repairing harm, restoring relationships, and helping students learn from their mistakes.
  • Encouraging Empowerment and Agency: Staff should empower students to actively participate in the restoration process. This can involve providing opportunities for students to express their perspectives, identify the impact of their actions, and participate in creating solutions. Students are more likely to feel invested in the outcome and motivated to make positive changes by fostering a sense of agency.
  • Prioritizing Support and Well-being: Administrators should consider the student’s well-being when implementing consequences. This includes providing appropriate support services, such as counseling, mentorship, or academic assistance, to address underlying issues contributing to the behavior. Restorative consequences should not exacerbate trauma but promote healing, resilience, and overall well-being.

By considering these factors, administrators can ensure that consequences are trauma-informed and restorative in nature, ultimately fostering a positive school climate and supporting the holistic development of students. Prioritizing alternatives to suspensions rooted in a trauma-informed, resilience-focused approach preserves the sense of belonging and connectedness of students and families and cultivates a school environment where every member feels valued, supported, and capable of overcoming challenges together. By investing in proactive interventions prioritizing growth, understanding, and community-building, schools can lay the foundation for a more inclusive, equitable, and nurturing learning environment for all.

Circle of Courage
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Looking through a Circle of Courage Lens: Why the “other kids” are not the “other kids”

It is bound to happen. In a school, a daycare, a sports practice – maybe even in the middle of a religious service. A child – of any age – will misbehave, perhaps melt down, and even experience a crisis because, for any number of reasons, they cannot manage their overwhelming feelings. Their reactions in these moments can be intense, scary, aggressive, or destructive.  Trauma-informed, resilience-focused adults can help support and regulate a child when this happens, using de-escalation and co-regulation tools and strategies. This is helpful for the child who is in crisis.

Other children and adults, however, often wonder, “What about the other kids?” This is a fair question that is prompted by additional concerns such as:

  • Is it all right for children to witness others struggling? Will it traumatize them?
  • Who will attend to and care for the children not currently in crisis?
  • Why don’t children who act out and cause disruptions have more consequences?
  • It isn’t fair that some children have more attention from the child-caring adult in charge than others.

Let’s look at how we might view these scenarios through the lens of the Circle of Courage resilience model. Throughout, the questions to the above frequently asked questions will be addressed.

Adults can prepare children in their care for these scenarios so everyone knows what they can expect—telling children what might happen, how the adult will respond, how the adult will prepare them for this kind of experience, and what will happen afterward.

Belonging.
All children need to feel a sense of connection and belonging – no matter what. It should not depend on their willingness or ability to be a particular person. Belonging isn’t a privilege but a fundamental human right (Shalaby, 2017). Children don’t get traumatized because they are hurt; they get traumatized because they are alone with that hurt (Mate, 2021).

A script for the adult:
Everyone struggles from time to time. Depending upon what is happening in your life or what has happened, along with your ability to cope, will depend on how you respond to certain situations. This does not make you bad or good – it just is. Chances are, we will experience someone in our group having a hard time – this could be a hard hour or even a hard day. I want you to know that if that happens, I will do what I can to help that person feel better. I will not be mad at that person, and they will not get in trouble. If they are struggling – it means that they need my help. I will ensure you all have a chance to learn and practice what you can do if something like this happens. When someone is struggling, things might get loud and unstructured, but I will do everything I can to keep all of us safe. I may be able to do that independently, or I might call another adult to help me. Later, when things settle down, we will always have an opportunity to talk together about what happened if you want to. We can do that as a group or individually. Even if one of us disrupts our room, everyone will always be welcomed back when calm and settled.

Mastery.
We cannot assume that all children have learned to regulate their emotions and behaviors. Children must have several opportunities to learn and practice emotional awareness and regulation.  Just like learning to read and solve math problems, children must be taught skills and engage in experiences to try out what they have learned.

A script for the adult:
We will spend some time practicing techniques to help relax our bodies. We will practice different ways to slow down our breathing, close our eyes, imagine a happy memory, color designs, draw pictures, or write down our thoughts and feelings. All of us should practice how to calm ourselves down. I want you to feel good at calming yourself down, but I know this isn’t easy for everyone – it takes time and practice.

Independence.
Children feel safe when they know what to expect and when they are given choices about how to respond in potentially disruptive situations.

I want you to know that this room might not feel very calm if a child struggles. However, even if it is noisy or chaotic, please know I will take care of that. I will keep my voice even and stay in control.  You can do what you need to do for yourself and others around you. Maybe you will try one of the relaxation techniques we practice. You may find that you want to go out into the hallway; you can do that; please stay close to the wall by our room. You may find that you want to put your head down on your desk, which is all right, too. Maybe you will want to sit with one of your friends. You have a choice about how best to take care of yourself.

I know it might not seem fair for those of you who are not disruptive and stay calm most of the time – you might think, why don’t you spend so much time with me, or why doesn’t that person get into more trouble? I understand why you may feel that way. Nevertheless, I have learned that what is fair is not always equal – some of us need more support than others. You know, I would need a lot of support picking apples from a tree because I am not very tall – I might need a stool (or a ladder), but someone else might be able to reach up and pick apples easily because of their height. Is it fair that I get a stool, but the other person does not? The other person does not need a stool, silly, but I do! So, this is the same as staying calm. Some of us find it more difficult than others, so some need more support. That is how it works – if someone needs something, we try to give it to them. As far as consequences are concerned, I think that if a person has a tough time, that is enough pain, and it does not do anyone any good to make them feel worse by punishing them on top of it. I will instead help teach them to better manage a situation next time with additional strategies and practice. I will support them.

Generosity.
We all have difficulty managing our emotions and behavior occasionally. This can be especially difficult when going through a particularly stressful time or have a history of very stressful experiences in our lives. We feel valuable when we can have empathy for and provide support to others.

A script for the adult:
Try to understand that the person struggling is not trying to be “bad,” but rather, they cannot manage their emotions and behavior and need help. You may find that you want to be with one of your friends and find a place in our room where you can sit together while I attend to the child who needs me, and if that is the case, please join your friend. If you are someone who feels good about your ability to calm yourself down and you find others having a hard time with what is happening in the room, please help your friends if they need support. I appreciate that we will all look out for one another.

There are no “other kids”; there are all kids. Providing unconditional connection and belonging, tools to help children manage their behavior and emotions, the agency to make choices when faced with difficult situations, and permission to use their value to support others can empower all children.


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References
Shalaby, C. (2017). Troublemakers lessons in freedom young children in school. New York, New Press.
Mate, G. (2021). The Wisdom of Trauma. Zaya Benazzo. Science and Nonduality.