stress Archives - Starr Commonwealth

Erica Ilcyn | March 26, 2026March 27, 2026

Burnout is Real: Restorative Strategies for Those Who Hold Space for Youth This Spring

There’s a moment that happens this time of year. It’s subtle at first. You’re moving through your day—supporting, guiding, redirecting, showing up the way you always do—and then something small tips the scale.

Maybe it’s a student shutting down.
A conversation that didn’t land the way you hoped.
An email you don’t have the energy to answer.
A decision you’ve made a hundred times before that suddenly feels heavy.

And you notice it—not dramatically, but quietly: I am tired in a way that sleep isn’t fixing.

If you work with young people—in classrooms, counseling spaces, community programs, homes, clinics—you probably know this feeling.

Because the work isn’t just what you do. It’s what you hold.

You hold stories. You hold behaviors that are really stress responses. You hold systems that don’t always make it easy to do what you know is right. You hold hope for young people, even on the days they can’t hold it for themselves. And somewhere along the way, without meaning to, you start holding it all in your own body. We don’t talk about that part enough.

We talk about strategies. We talk about outcomes. We talk about data and plans and interventions. But we don’t always talk about what it costs to care this deeply, this consistently, in systems that are often stretched thin.

So let’s say it plainly, without fixing it too quickly: Burnout is real. And it makes sense.

Not because you’re not resilient enough, but because you’ve been operating in a constant state of giving—attention, regulation, decision-making, empathy—often without enough space to receive those same things back. From a brain and body perspective, this matters.

When we are exposed to prolonged stress—especially relational stress, the kind that comes from supporting others—our nervous system adapts. It shifts into patterns of survival: staying alert, scanning, pushing through, overriding signals. Over time, that can look like exhaustion…or numbness…or irritability…or just a quiet sense of disconnection. And here’s the part that often goes unnoticed:

The same brain that helps you connect, problem-solve, stay patient, and think flexibly is the brain that becomes harder to access when you are depleted.

So if you’ve found yourself thinking, I don’t feel like myself lately… you’re not imagining it. Your system is asking for something.

I remember, in my own work, there were days when I could feel it before I could name it. I would move from one moment to the next—supporting a student, then another, then another—until I realized I hadn’t taken a full breath all morning. Not really. My shoulders would be tight. My responses a little shorter than I intended. My mind already three steps ahead, bracing for what might come next. And the shift didn’t come from a big change. It came from something almost too simple to matter: I paused.

Just long enough to notice my breath.
To drop my shoulders.
To remind my body: you are safe in this moment.

It didn’t solve everything. But it gave me access back to myself. That’s the kind of restoration. Not adding more, not doing it perfectly, but returning—again and again—to small moments that help your system come back online.

Sometimes restoration looks like regulating before you respond. Not because the situation isn’t important, but because you are.

A slower exhale before answering.
A hand resting on your desk or your heart.
A quiet internal cue: I don’t have to rush this.

Sometimes it looks like borrowing connection in tiny ways.

A genuine “I’m glad you’re here” to a young person.
A quick, knowing glance with a colleague in the hallway.
A moment of shared laughter that interrupts the heaviness, even briefly.

These are not extras. They are nervous system anchors.

And sometimes—this one can be the hardest—it looks like redefining what “enough” means in this season. Because spring has a way of making everything feel urgent.

Progress.
Growth.
Outcomes.
End-of-year everything.

But sustainable work with young people has never been about perfection. It has always been about presence. So maybe “enough” right now looks like:

Showing up consistently, even if not perfectly
Prioritizing the moments that matter most
Letting some things be good enough so that you can stay well enough

Not lowering the bar—but adjusting it so you can keep going without losing yourself in the process. There’s something else I want to say, especially if this season has felt heavier than most. If you’ve had moments where you’ve felt disconnected from your purpose, or questioned your impact, or wondered if you can keep doing this work the way things are. That doesn’t mean your “why” is gone, it means it’s tired—buried, maybe, under layers of responsibility and stress and showing up for others. But it’s still there.

You see it in the small things:

A young person who trusts you just a little more than they did before
A moment of calm in a space that used to feel chaotic
A breakthrough that no one else noticed, but you did

These are quiet indicators that what you’re doing is working—even when it doesn’t feel loud or immediate. If no one has said it to you lately, let me say it now: The work you do is deeply human work. And it was never meant to be carried alone, or without care for the one doing the carrying. So as you move through this spring, instead of asking, How do I push through the rest of this?

What if the question became:

What would it look like to be supported while I keep showing up?

And what if the answer isn’t something big or far away—
but something small, available, and within reach?

A breath.
A pause.
A moment of connection.
A permission slip to be human in work that asks so much of your humanity.

Because you don’t need to become someone new to keep doing this work.
You just need moments—real, intentional moments—to come back to who you already are.

Your knowledge of what you need most is already within you. Self-care begins with self-awareness—making space to listen, accept, and care for yourself with authenticity.

This commitment isn’t always easy. Systems and expectations don’t always align with what we need. But you don’t have to carry it all alone. The Practicing Resilience Journal offers simple, guided support to help you reconnect, restore, and keep showing up with intention. Get yours today!

Erica Ilcyn | March 19, 2026March 20, 2026

Brain Science & Student Stress: Why Overwhelmed Brains Can’t Learn (and What We Can Do About It)

There’s a moment most of us have witnessed—at a classroom table, during homework at the kitchen counter, or in the middle of a test.

A student pauses.
Stares.
Shuts down.

And it’s easy to think: They’re not trying.

But what if the truth is:

Their brain just can’t access learning in that moment.

When the Brain Feels Unsafe, It Stops Learning

The brain is beautifully designed—but it’s also protective.

At any given moment, it’s scanning for one thing first:
“Am I safe?”

When a student experiences academic stress—whether it’s pressure, confusion, fear of failure, or even subtle embarrassment—the brain can activate its stress response system.

This involves:

The amygdala (the brain’s alarm center) signaling threat
The release of stress hormones like cortisol
A shift away from the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for thinking, reasoning, and learning

In simple terms:

The brain moves from learning mode → survival mode.

And in survival mode:

Working memory decreases
Processing slows down
Language becomes harder to access
Emotions take over

So the student who knows how to do the work… suddenly can’t.

Not because they won’t.
Because biologically, in that moment—they can’t.

✨ Small shift: Before jumping into correction or redirection, pause and ask:
“Does this student need support… or regulation first?”

Stress Doesn’t Just Impact Performance—It Impacts Belonging

Through the lens of the Circle of Courage, we know that every child needs to feel:

Belonging. Mastery. Independence. Generosity.

Academic stress can quietly chip away at all four.

When a student repeatedly feels overwhelmed:

Belonging becomes: “Everyone else gets it but me.”
Mastery becomes: “I’m just not good at this.”
Independence becomes: “I can’t do this on my own.”
Generosity becomes harder when they’re just trying to stay afloat themselves

And over time, this isn’t just about academics anymore—it becomes identity.

But here’s the hopeful truth:

Every interaction we have can either reinforce stress… or restore one of these core needs.

✨ Small shifts that matter:

Greet students by name → strengthens Belonging
Notice effort, not just outcomes → builds Mastery
Offer choices in how to start a task → supports Independence
Invite peer support or encouragement → nurtures Generosity

Regulation Is the Pathway Back to Learning

If stress pulls the brain offline, then regulation brings it back online.

We often try to push students through stress:
“Just try harder.”
“Focus.”
“You know this.”

But a dysregulated brain doesn’t respond to pressure—it responds to safety and connection.

This is where co-regulation comes in.

Before students can regulate themselves, they borrow our calm.

Your tone.
Your pacing.
Your presence.

All of it sends signals to the brain:
“You’re okay. You can try again.”

✨ Simple, doable shifts:

Lower your voice instead of raising it
Sit beside instead of standing over
Offer a starting point: “Let’s just do the first one together.”
Build in micro-breaks (even 30–60 seconds of breathing or stretching)

These are small—but neurologically, they are powerful.

The Way Forward: Restoring the Circle, Reopening the Brain

When we begin to see students through both brain science and the Circle of Courage, something shifts.

We stop asking:
“What’s wrong with them?”

And start asking:
“What does their brain need to feel safe, capable, and connected again?”

Because when we intentionally support:

Belonging → the brain feels safe
Mastery → the brain builds confidence
Independence → the brain engages
Generosity → the brain connects

We’re not just improving behavior or performance.

We’re reopening access to learning itself.

A Final Thought

Some students walk into our spaces carrying more than we can see.

Academic stress.
Self-doubt.
Pressure to keep up.

And in those moments, they don’t just need instruction.

They need adults who understand that:

A regulated brain learns.
A connected child tries.
And a supported student begins to believe—
“I can do this.”

And sometimes, that belief…
is where everything begins.

Erica Ilcyn | March 13, 2026March 13, 2026

Holding the Thread of Belonging Through School Breaks

A Trauma-Informed Reflection on Maintaining Connection

The last day before a school break always had a certain kind of energy.

You could feel it in the room.

Students were buzzing. Backpacks were already half-packed. Conversations about trips, cousins, sleepovers, and video games floated across the classroom while we tried to squeeze in one more lesson before the final bell.

And while many students were excited for the days ahead, I remember always feeling a quiet pause in those moments too.

Because as educators, we know something important: for some children, school isn’t just a place for learning. It is a place of predictability, connection, and safety.

In trauma-informed classrooms, we understand that relationships are not simply part of the environment—they are the environment that allows the brain to feel safe enough to learn.

So every year before a break, I tried to do something small but intentional.

I tried to make sure my students left carrying a reminder that they belonged.

Sending Students Out the Door With Belonging

Before the final bell, I would often pass out small folded hand written notes to each student.

Inside was a quick message—nothing long or elaborate. Just something I had noticed about them.

“Your curiosity makes our classroom stronger.”

“You are such a thoughtful friend to others.”

“I appreciate the effort you put into learning new things.”

These notes took only minutes to write, but they carried something powerful. Through the lens of the Circle of Courage, belonging is the foundation for healthy development. When young people feel seen and valued by the adults around them, their nervous systems settle and their capacity for resilience grows.

Sometimes the most meaningful intervention is simply making sure a child knows:

Someone at school notices me.

Giving Students Something to Carry With Them

I also liked sending students home with something playful and reflective—never homework, but something that invited them to stay curious about their world.

Sometimes it was a “Break Bingo” card filled with simple experiences:

Spend time outside.

Help someone in your family.

Try something new.

Read something you enjoy.

Do one kind thing for another person.

Other times it was a small reflection prompt asking students to draw or write about one moment from their break when they felt proud, peaceful, or joyful.

These small invitations nurtured the other pillars of the Circle of Courage—mastery, independence, and generosity—while gently reinforcing that their growth continued beyond the classroom walls.

Leaving Students With a Voice of Connection

One thing trauma-informed educators recognize is that co-regulation travels through relationships.

Students carry the voices of trusted adults with them.

Before a break, I would sometimes record a short message for students on our classroom platform. Nothing formal—just a quick reminder that I was thinking about them and looking forward to hearing their stories when we returned.

For students navigating adversity, unpredictability, or stress, even a small moment of connection like this can be regulating. It reminds them that the relationship continues, even when school is temporarily paused.

And relationships are often the strongest protective factor a young person has.

Offering Tools for Regulation and Resilience

School routines provide more than academic structure—they provide emotional rhythm and safety through predictability.

During breaks, that rhythm can shift dramatically. So I liked to give students a short list of simple ways they could reset if things felt overwhelming.

Take five slow breaths and notice what you see and hear around you.

Step outside and listen to the sounds of nature.

Stretch your arms overhead and take a deep breath.

Write down one thing you did well today.

Help someone in your home with something small.

These practices might seem simple, but they support what trauma-informed educators know well: stressed brains need regulation before they can access reflection, connection, or learning.

Helping students build these skills strengthens resilience that lasts far beyond the school day.

Beginning Again When Students Return

The first day back after a break was never a day to rush straight into academics.

Instead, we would start in a circle.

Students shared small pieces of their time away—something funny, something difficult, something they learned, or something they enjoyed.

These conversations rebuilt the classroom community and helped students transition back into the rhythm of learning.

Because in trauma-responsive environments, connection always comes before content.

The Quiet Power of Small Gestures

Looking back, none of these moments required elaborate planning or extra hours of work.

They were small acts.

A handwritten note.

A playful invitation to explore the world.

A message waiting for students online.

A few minutes of conversation when they returned.

But small moments are often where belonging lives.

And belonging is not a minor detail in education. It is one of the most powerful protective factors in a young person’s life.

When students leave school carrying the quiet knowledge that someone there sees them, values them, and is waiting for their return, something remarkable happens.

The connection doesn’t break.

It stretches.

And when students walk back through the classroom doors, they aren’t just returning to a place of learning.

They are returning to a community that never stopped holding space for them.

Erica Ilcyn | March 5, 2026March 5, 2026

March Is Reading Month: Unlocking Literacy Through the Sensory System

March has a special kind of energy in schools.

Hallways fill with book characters. Teachers bring out beloved read-alouds more frequently across all grades. Libraries become busier than ever. Classrooms buzz with reading challenges, cozy corners, and the quiet magic that happens when students disappear into a story.

Reading Month reminds us why literacy matters so deeply.

But if you’ve spent time in classrooms—as a teacher, counselor, administrator, or school-based support professional—you also know that for some students, reading doesn’t feel magical at all. It feels frustrating. Overwhelming. Sometimes even impossible.

And often, the reason has less to do with motivation and more to do with how the brain is functioning in that moment.

When the Brain Is Stressed, Learning Is Hard

One of the most important insights from neuroscience and trauma-informed practice is simple:

A stressed brain cannot learn.

When students are overwhelmed, anxious, overstimulated, or operating in a stress response, the brain prioritizes safety and survival over higher-level thinking. The parts of the brain responsible for reasoning, language processing, and comprehension become harder to access.

Reading, in particular, asks a lot from the brain.

To read successfully, students must coordinate visual decoding, language systems, working memory, attention, and emotional regulation—all at once. It’s one of the most neurologically demanding tasks we ask students to do throughout the school day.

When the nervous system is dysregulated, students may struggle to focus on text, retain information, or tolerate the challenge of reading. What can look like avoidance or disengagement is often the brain simply saying, “I’m not ready yet.”

This is where the sensory system becomes one of the most powerful—and often overlooked—supports for literacy.

The sensory system constantly sends information to the brain through movement, pressure, rhythm, breathing, sound, and touch. These sensory inputs help regulate the nervous system and organize attention. When the body feels regulated, the brain becomes more available for learning.

In simple terms:

When the body settles, the brain can focus.
When the brain can focus, reading becomes possible.

Practical Sensory Strategies That Support Reading

The encouraging news for educators is that sensory supports don’t require complicated programs or extra time in the schedule. Many can be woven naturally into everyday literacy instruction.

One of the simplest strategies is movement before reading. A quick one-minute reset before a literacy block can help activate students’ attention systems. Wall push-ups, stretching, marching in place, or simple cross-body movements stimulate the proprioceptive system, which helps organize the brain for focus and learning.

Even a short burst of movement with an intentional choice of music can shift the energy in the room and prepare students for sustained attention.

The physical environment also plays a role in regulation. While desks work well for some students, others benefit from having options. Floor cushions, bean bags, standing desks, wobble stools, or allowing students to choose a comfortable reading space can help students’ bodies stay regulated while they engage with text.

Sensory tools can also support focus during reading time. Fidget tools, therapy putty, textured bookmarks, or weighted lap pads provide subtle movement or pressure that helps some students maintain attention. When used intentionally, these tools are not distractions—they are regulation supports.

Teachers can also make reading itself more sensory-rich. Expressive storytelling, rhythmic language, and interactive read-alouds activate emotional and memory systems in the brain. Encouraging students to repeat rhythmic phrases, clap syllables, or tap along with poetry helps strengthen language processing and comprehension.

For younger learners especially, connecting literacy to movement can deepen learning. Acting out scenes from a story, tracing letters in sand or shaving cream, walking around the room to find vocabulary words, or discussing a text during a short classroom walk allows the brain to build multiple pathways to understanding.

When learning involves both the mind and the body, information is more likely to stick.

Creating Classrooms Where Every Brain Can Access Reading

When educators view literacy through a trauma-informed and sensory-aware lens, something important shifts.

Instead of asking, “Why won’t this student read?” we begin asking, “What might this student’s brain need in order to read?”

Sometimes the answer is movement.
Sometimes it’s a calmer environment.
Sometimes it’s a sensory tool or a more interactive reading experience.

These small adjustments can make a significant difference for students whose nervous systems need additional support.

As a former teacher and district administrator, I’ve seen how powerful this shift can be. When classrooms intentionally support regulation, students who once avoided reading begin to approach it differently. Their brains are no longer stuck in survival mode. They can finally access the parts of the brain needed for curiosity, language, and learning.

And that’s when something remarkable happens.

A reluctant reader sticks with a story a little longer.
A struggling reader begins to turn pages with more confidence.
A classroom becomes a place where literacy feels accessible rather than intimidating.

This March, as we celebrate Reading Month, let’s absolutely keep the joy—characters, read-alouds, book fairs, and all.

But perhaps we can add one more goal alongside the celebration:

Support the nervous system so every student has access to reading.
Because sometimes the path to literacy doesn’t begin with the page.
Sometimes it begins with helping the brain feel ready to turn it.

Erica Ilcyn | January 8, 2026January 8, 2026

Supporting SEL & Building Resilience This Winter: How “Chill Skills” Help Kids Regulate and Thrive

Winter brings a mix of magic and intensity for young people. Excitement grows, routines shift, sensory experiences expand, and for many students, stress tends to sneak in right alongside the snowflakes. That’s exactly why this season is the perfect time to lean into Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) and resilience-building practices—tools that help youth understand themselves, regulate big feelings, and navigate the world with confidence.

And the good news? We don’t need complex programs to make a meaningful impact. Sometimes, small, concrete strategies—like the “Chill Skills” printable—can gently strengthen the nervous system and build lifelong SEL habits.

Let’s break down the “why,” the “how,” and the “what now” behind using these simple winter-friendly tools.

Trauma, SEL, and Resilience: How They Connect

Trauma isn’t defined by the event—it’s defined by the nervous system’s response to the event. When children experience overwhelming stress without adequate support, their bodies shift into protection mode: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. SEL skills are the exact internal tools that help youth move out of survival mode and into connection, curiosity, and confidence.

Here’s the connection, simplified:

Trauma impacts regulation.
SEL teaches regulation.
Regulation strengthens resilience.

Resilience isn’t something kids earn by “toughing it out.” It’s built through repeated experiences of safety, presence, support, and successful coping. When youth learn to notice stress and choose a healthy strategy, they aren’t just calming down—they’re literally rewiring the brain toward strength.

This is why simple, accessible strategies matter. They help students practice resilience, not just talk about it.

How “Chill Skills” Support SEL Competencies

Your printable offers a set of child-friendly, visually engaging strategies that align perfectly with core SEL competencies and trauma-informed practice.

For example:

1. Breathwork (“Breathe Like a Boss”)

On page 1, students are guided through box breathing: inhale, hold, exhale, hold—for four seconds each.

This supports:

Self-management (calming the stress response)
Self-awareness (noticing internal changes)
Neuroregulation (activating the parasympathetic nervous system)

2. Grounding Skills (“Ground Yourself”)

The 5-4-3-2-1 sensory trick on page 2 teaches students how to use their environment to stay present.

This fosters:

Mindfulness
Emotional awareness
Body-based coping strategies

3. Movement Strategies (“Shake It Off”)

Page 3 reminds youth that movement can “shake off stress chemicals.”

This offers:

Biological regulation
Healthy energy release
An empowering alternative to disruptive behavior

4. Expressive Coping (“Brain Dump = Chill Boost”)

On page 4, students are encouraged to scribble or write out stress to make feelings “less big and scary.”

This builds:

Emotional literacy
Healthy expression
Cognitive processing skills

5. Co-Regulation (“Catch Some Calm”)

Page 5 teaches that being near a calm person helps the nervous system settle—a foundational trauma-informed truth.

This strengthens:

Relationship skills
Help-seeking behaviors
Understanding of social support

These aren’t just cute posters—they’re powerful SEL micro-interventions.

Putting It Into Practice: Winter-Friendly Ideas

Here are some simple ways to use the printable to support SEL and resilience in your classroom or program:

1. Create a “Chill Zone”

Hang the posters in a calm corner with pillows, coloring pages, and sensory items. Let students choose which “chill skill” to try when they need a reset.

2. Start the Day with a Skill of the Week

Introduce one at morning meeting and practice it together. Collective regulation sets the tone for the day.

3. Pair Skills with Storytime or Writing

After reading a book about a character facing big emotions, ask:
“Which chill skill might have helped them?”

4. Model the Skills Yourself

Kids learn regulation by watching adults self-regulate. Use box breathing or grounding out loud when you feel the energy shift.

5. Send the Printable Home

Families appreciate simple tools. These posters make coping strategies accessible for all ages.

Why This Matters

Small SEL moments—breathing together, grounding, moving, naming feelings—are not “extras.” They are the foundation of resilience. Each skill practiced becomes a building block in a young person’s internal toolkit:

I can calm my body.
I can understand my feelings.
I can find support.
I can choose how to respond.

And when students trust in their own capacity to navigate stress, we see more confidence, more connection, more curiosity—and more joy.

This winter, let’s give youth the gift of skills that strengthen them long after the snow melts.

Download the full PDF version of “Chills Hacks” or check out our store for more SEL resources, on sale for 15% OFF until January 19!

Erica Ilcyn | December 18, 2025December 18, 2025

How to Spot Holiday Stress in Students: A Compassionate Guide

The holidays can be magical… and messy.
Joyful… and overwhelming.
Comforting… and complicated.

For many young people, this time of year brings excitement wrapped in a big, invisible layer of stress. Routines shift. Expectations pile up. Family systems get activated. Financial strain, grief, sensory overload, and memories—good and not-so-good—all collide at once.

And while students may not say, “I’m stressed,” their bodies often will.

As educators, counselors, youth workers, and caring adults, we have a powerful opportunity in this season: to notice, to be curious, and to become a regulating presence when the world around them feels anything but.

The Holiday Stress Effect: What the Brain & Body Are Actually Doing

A student experiencing stress—holiday or otherwise—isn’t choosing to “act out” or “shut down.” They’re responding from the part of the brain designed to keep them safe.

Here’s what’s happening physiologically:

The amygdala becomes more reactive, scanning for threat.
Cortisol increases, making the body feel tense, restless, or exhausted.
Executive functioning decreases, which affects planning, impulse control, organization, and emotional regulation.
Fight–flight–freeze–fawn responses activate, resulting in both externalized and internalized behaviors.

This means holiday stress doesn’t just show up as tears or tantrums—it often shows up as subtle shifts in behavior, energy, engagement, and social connection.

The Circle of Courage Lens: Watching for Needs Beneath Behavior

The Circle of Courage teaches us that all young people share four universal needs:

Belonging – connection, relationship, being seen
Mastery – competence, success, capability
Independence – autonomy, choice, agency
Generosity – purpose, contribution, meaning

Holiday stress often pokes at these exact needs. When a need is threatened, behavior shifts. When a need is unmet, stress amplifies. When a need is restored, resilience rises.

Internalized behaviors almost always signal needs around Belonging and Independence.

Trauma & Stress Science: Why Holidays Hit Hard

For many youth, holidays are tied to:

Loss or grief
Family conflict
Economic stress
Changes in caregiving arrangements
Overstimulation (noise, events, schedules)
Unpredictability
Food or housing insecurity
Memories of past holiday disappointments or harm

Even joyful excitement can heighten arousal in the nervous system.
Stress + excitement = dysregulation wrapped in glitter.

Knowing this helps us stay curious instead of reactive.

A Curiosity-First Approach: What You Can Do

Here’s the good news: spotting stress isn’t about labeling behavior.
It’s about naming underlying needs and responding with intentionality.

1. Lead with attunement.

A soft voice. A grounded presence. A quick, “I’m glad you’re here today.”
Regulation is contagious.

2. Offer predictability whenever possible.

Post agendas. Prep for schedule changes. Give advance notice.
Predictability lowers cortisol.

3. Use the Circle of Courage as a daily check-in.

Ask yourself:
Which need might this student be trying to meet?
How can I offer it without controlling or rescuing?

4. Normalize the season.

Say things like:
“This time of year can feel like a lot for people. If you ever need a moment, let me know.”
This reduces shame.

5. Build micro-moments of connection.

These take less than 60 seconds:

Greeting at the door
A genuine compliment
A check-in on something personal
Noticing effort (“I see how hard you’re trying today”)

Tiny investments. Huge returns.

6. Create opportunities for empowerment.

Choice boards. Leadership roles. Helpers. Options for how to complete work.
Independence quiets stress.

7. Allow regulation, not punishment.

A break corner, breathing tool, sensory movement, water break—these aren’t rewards; they’re regulation strategies.

8. Collaborate with caregivers when appropriate.

Sometimes a quick insight like, “Our holiday schedule is different this year” explains a lot.

9. Model self-regulation openly.

When adults narrate their strategies (“I’m going to take a deep breath before we dive in”), students learn the playbook.

10. Celebrate resilience openly.

Not the performance—the perseverance, the courage, the tiny steps forward.

A Final Word: Stress Behaviors Are Communication

Holiday stress isn’t a failure of character.
It’s a signal.
It’s a story.
It’s a need.

Every behavior—loud or quiet, messy or controlled—is a young person’s best attempt to navigate their world with the tools they have in that moment.

And every caring adult has the power to respond with compassion that says:
“I see you. I get it. You matter in this space.”

This season will always bring a mix of joy and challenge, but with curiosity, attunement, and the Circle of Courage guiding our lens, we can ensure that every student experiences something healing:

A steady adult.
A sense of belonging.
A moment of safety.
A glimmer of hope.

Because when students feel seen during the hardest seasons, their resilience doesn’t just rise—it shines.

Dr. Caelan Soma, PsyD, LMSW | August 4, 2022

4 Habits for Teachers to Help with Student Stress

Trauma and toxic stress aren’t always rooted in the obvious. In many cases there is not just one thing that has happened but a constant experience of stress related to multiple exposures. As we focus on critical events that receive the attention of adults and even gain media coverage, it is often the day-to-day traumatic experiences impacting so many children that are forgotten. Chronic experiences such as living at or below the poverty line aren’t specific events but rather ongoing circumstances.

How Can Teachers Help Students with Stress?

You may have one or several students in your own classroom this year struggling with stress—especially at the beginning of the year. When students experience stress, they have a hard time learning. Stress makes it difficult for all of us to stay focused, recall information and problem-solve. Stressed students may be inattentive, fidgety, disruptive – even defiant. If their stress is from circumstances outside of school, you might feel helpless to do anything about their situation. While you may not be able to do anything about what is causing their stress, you can help them while they are at school. There are simple things you can do to help keep their stress levels managed and support their learning.

Connect with the student. Let them know you notice that they might be having a difficult time learning and that you are there to help support them. Not sure where to start? Read my 6 tips for making connections.
Observe the child’s behavior and consider what they might need. If a child is fidgety and in and out of their seat, perhaps they need a quick water or walk break. If a child is inattentive, perhaps they need a different way to engage.
Ask the child what they think they need most to be successful in the classroom at specific times or throughout the day. Set them up for success.
Provide the student with options to reduce stress and support their learning: working alone, or with a small group, visiting the comfort corner, using noise-canceling headphones, alternative seating options, planned breaks during the day, access to fidgets, drawing supplies or puzzles.

Psychotherapy with Infants and Young Children: Repairing the Effects of Stress and Trauma on Early Attachment by Alicia F. Lieberman and Patricia Van Horn