Many early childhood practitioners report that managing problematic behaviors is their main challenge. What can you do when sticker charts, rewards, and punishments, such as taking away toys or play, don’t work?
A vital component of a trauma-informed, resilience-focused approach to working in early childhood is understanding that behavior is the way children communicate. This mindset puts professionals in the role of curious detectives, trying to determine what kinds of support children need most by using their behavior as a clue. Instead of rewarding or punishing behavior, observe it without trying to change it. Get curious. What do you think the behavior you are observing is trying to communicate to you? When words are difficult to access, preschool-aged children will “show” you what they need. Children exhibit many behaviors, but it often comes down to three primary needs: connection, support, and co-regulation. Here is a simple guide to some of the most commonly observed behaviors that can tell you the primary need a child requires most from caring adults.
Connection
All children need connection and nurturing, but those who need it most will show you through the following observable behaviors:
- Attention-seeking (they are connection-seeking)
- Clingy
- Defiance and refusal to follow directions
- Constantly craving approval
Tools you can use: Notice children often by saying their names, making eye contact, and making other nonverbal gestures like smiles, especially when they are on task.
Support
All children need adequate support to meet developmentally appropriate expectations for learning emotional and behavioral regulation. Children who need the most support will show you when they display the following behaviors:
- Gives up easily
- Afraid to try new things
- Easily frustrated
- Will not ask for help
- Crying and whining
Tools you can use: Provide scaffolding for the task the child is trying to accomplish. Let them know you are there to help them by modeling and practicing with them and then allowing them to try it themselves.
Co-regulation
All preschool-aged children need help regulating their emotions and behavior. Children who require additional co-regulation support are children who behave in the following ways:
- Can’t sit still
- Runs from classroom/caregiver
- Difficult to calm down when upset
- Aggressive; hits, bites, throws toys
Tools you can use: Ensure your body is calm and your tone of voice is even and balanced. Lean in. Take a walk, practice some simple breathwork with children, and offer them a drink of water or a small snack.
When we view behavior as communication to an underlying unmet need, professionals can focus on supporting the child and understanding the function of what the behavior is trying to accomplish. When a child’s needs are met, there is less need to address problematic behavior.
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