Have you ever left your phone charger at home on a busy day, and your phone’s battery starts flashing red? You’re doing everything you can to keep it alive—lowering the brightness, closing apps, turning off notifications—because, let’s face it, once it dies, you feel disconnected from the world. Now imagine if that feeling of running on empty didn’t go away, no matter what you did. That’s a bit like what’s happening to kids who’ve experienced trauma—except it’s their bodies and minds that are running on low, stuck in survival mode.
Kids who’ve been through trauma live with their internal “battery” constantly drained, and their nervous system is working overtime. But here’s the good news: just like you can find a charger and bring your phone back to life, we can help kids recharge and reset. Science tells us that healing is not only possible, but with the right support, kids can bounce back and even grow stronger. Let’s break down how stress affects the nervous system and, most importantly, how we can help these kids thrive.
Stress and the Nervous System: Running on Empty
When a child experiences something scary or upsetting—like witnessing violence, dealing with abuse, or going through a major loss—their body reacts as if it’s in danger. Think of it like their alarm system going off. In small doses, stress is totally normal. It’s what gets us moving when we’re in trouble, kind of like how you sprint to the car when you realize you left your coffee on the roof (oops!).
But for kids who’ve been through trauma, their alarm system gets stuck on “high alert.” Their body is always ready to fight, flee, or freeze—just like when you’re about to hit reply-all on an email by mistake. The problem is, when their nervous system is stuck in this mode, it’s like running with the engine revving at full speed all the time. It wears them down, making it harder for them to focus, learn, or just relax.
What Happens When Stress Takes Over?
The brain is pretty amazing, but it’s also very sensitive to stress—especially when kids are young and still developing. Chronic stress (the kind that sticks around) can mess with brain development, affecting things like memory, attention, and self-control. You might notice these kids have trouble sitting still, seem easily frustrated, or are quick to react to even small problems.
It’s not that they’re being difficult on purpose. Their brain and body are just trying to keep them safe, even if there’s no actual danger in the moment. The stress they’ve experienced has left them feeling like they always need to be on guard. So that tantrum over a forgotten pencil? It’s less about the pencil and more about their nervous system saying, “Uh-oh, something’s wrong! We need to act now!”
But Here’s the Good News: The Brain Can Heal
Here’s the hopeful part: the brain is like Play-Doh—it’s flexible and can be reshaped. Even though trauma can cause damage, the brain can heal, especially when kids are surrounded by safe, caring adults. This is where you come in.
When kids have at least one reliable adult in their life who is calm, patient, and understanding, it’s like plugging their phone back into the charger. You help their nervous system calm down, allowing their brain to switch from “survival mode” to “learning mode.” In other words, you help them realize the world isn’t always as scary as their brain is telling them.
How You Can Help: Practical Tips to Support Kids
You don’t need to be a superhero (though you probably already are to these kids) to help them heal. There are some simple things you can do that make a huge difference:
Why Resilience is Possible (and Likely)
Now, let’s talk about resilience. You know that feeling when your favorite plant that you thought was dead suddenly sprouts new leaves? That’s resilience—life finding a way to bounce back, even after hardship. Kids are the same way. They have an incredible ability to heal, grow, and thrive, especially when surrounded by love and support.
Scientists have found that resilience isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s something that can be built over time through positive relationships and experiences. So even though kids may start with some tough breaks, with the right support, they can grow stronger than ever before.
You Are Their Charger
You’re not just another adult in their life—you’re their charger, the person who helps them recharge when they’re running on empty. By being there for them, providing structure, and showing them love and patience, you’re helping their nervous system heal. You’re showing them that they don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode—that there’s a whole world of possibility ahead of them.
So, whether you’re a parent, teacher, or mentor, know that the work you’re doing is powerful. Every small act of kindness, every moment of patience, is like a drop in the bucket of resilience. Kids may not always show it right away, but they’re soaking up every bit of support you give them.
The Bottom Line
Stress can wreak havoc on a child’s nervous system, but with the right support, kids can heal. You don’t need to be perfect—just present. You don’t need to have all the answers—just a listening ear. And in time, you’ll see these kids begin to bloom, growing stronger and more resilient than ever before. Your role in their lives is nothing short of transformative.
So, keep showing up, keep believing in their ability to heal, and remember: resilience is real, and you’re a big part of making it happen.
