The holidays are a whirlwind of joy, connection, and celebration, but let’s be honest—they can also be exhausting. The demands pile up: professional obligations, family commitments, social events, gift-giving, and travel plans. Even the most resilient among us can be stretched thin, operating at full capacity while navigating seasonal stressors. In times like these, authentic self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
Self-care isn’t about indulgence or simply “relaxing” when you have time. The science of resilience shows us that caring for our minds and bodies proactively and reactively allows us not just to survive challenges, but thrive through them. It’s about recognizing your needs, honoring them, and filling your cup so that you can pour into others without depleting yourself.
The Science of Resilience and Self-Care
Resilience is often misunderstood as a personality trait some people have and others don’t. But research tells us that resilience is a dynamic process—something we can cultivate and strengthen over time. Our nervous system, which helps us process stress and remain balanced, depends on consistent care to remain healthy.
When we experience stress, our brain and body release cortisol, adrenaline, and other stress hormones to help us cope. In small doses, this response is useful. But our nervous system can become overwhelmed when stress becomes constant—especially during the busy holiday season. This is where intentional, whole-body self-care steps in.
Whole-body self-care acknowledges that our mental and physical well-being are interconnected. By engaging in practices that restore balance to both, we can boost our capacity to handle stress, recover more quickly from setbacks, and stay grounded amid chaos.
The good news? Authentic self-care doesn’t need to be complicated or time-consuming. Here are some practical, strengths-based strategies to help you prioritize your needs this season:
Give Yourself Permission to Prioritize YOU
During the holiday hustle, it’s easy to get caught up in giving to others and forget that you, too, are worthy of care. Authentic self-care isn’t selfish—it’s a commitment to your well-being. When you care for your mind and body, you’re building the resilience you need to navigate life’s challenges and show up for the people who matter most.
This season, gift yourself the grace to rest, reset, and restore. You deserve it.
Ah, the holiday season—the jingling bells, twinkling lights, and the ever-present smell of cookies baking in the oven (or maybe burning, no judgment). For many, it’s a time of joy, family togetherness, and celebration. But let’s be honest: the holidays can also bring stress, financial strain, and the kind of family dynamics that only a sitcom writer could dream up. And for families navigating trauma or significant challenges, this time of year can feel less like a warm hug and more like an emotional minefield.
Here’s the good news: you don’t need the perfect holiday card photo or a stress-free December (as if that exists) to create meaningful, joyous moments with your children. By focusing on a strengths-based approach, we can empower our kids—and ourselves—to thrive, even in the face of adversity. Let’s unwrap the gift of resilience, one connection at a time.
The Circle of Courage: A Compass for Connection
At Starr Commonwealth, we believe the secret ingredient to peaceful family interactions is applying the Circle of Courage philosophy. This framework emphasizes the universal needs of all children: Belonging, Mastery, Independence, and Generosity. These pillars remind us that every child has unique strengths, interests, and the potential to shine—even if life feels cloudy.
When we intentionally nurture these needs, we help children feel safe, seen, and supported. Here’s a quick peek at how this philosophy can guide us:
Belonging: Kids thrive when they feel part of something bigger than themselves.
Mastery: Celebrate their progress, not perfection. Success can be as small as tying a shoe or as big as solving a Rubik’s Cube in record time.
Independence: Foster their ability to make choices and express themselves.
Generosity: Encourage acts of kindness, from helping a sibling to crafting a homemade card for a neighbor.
This approach isn’t about “fixing kids” but recognizing their inherent strengths and meeting them where they are as we nurture what is unique and great within them—helping their little lights shine!
Connection is the Best Holiday Tradition
When the season gets overwhelming (hello, school concerts, and last-minute gift wrapping), dismissing a child’s “Look at me!” moments as interruptions is easy. But those small bids for attention are golden opportunities to connect.
Proactive Connection or proactively responding to their bids for attention means finding ways to engage with your child before they need to ask for it… or, let’s be honest, demand it. Here are a few ideas:
The 5-Minute Rule: Spend five uninterrupted minutes each day doing something your child loves—no phones, no multitasking. Just play, chat, or cuddle.
“Catch Them Being Helpful”: Notice and praise positive behaviors, even the small ones. (“Thanks for setting the table—it looks amazing!”)
Humor is Magic: A well-timed joke or silly face can diffuse tension faster than any parenting book.
Strategies for Strength and Healing
Building resilience doesn’t require grand gestures or expensive tools. Here are three simple, practical resources you can weave into your holiday survival toolkit:
One-Minute Resilience Building Interventions: These quick strategies are designed to fit into your busy day. Try simple activities like mindfulness breathing, offering a compliment, or sharing a moment of gratitude during dinner. They’re proof that big changes can start with small actions.
Mind-Body Skills – Activities for Emotional Regulation: Help your child learn to regulate their emotions by incorporating practices like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or even gentle yoga. These skills calm the nervous system and build emotional resilience—great for navigating the holiday chaos.
GoodTimer: This family-friendly tool uses positive reinforcement to encourage good choices. It’s a tangible way for kids to see their progress and gives parents a break from the constant “no” cycle. Bonus: it’s a fantastic stocking stuffer!
If the holidays feel more “messy and stressful” than “merry and bright,” I see you. Remember this: your worth as a parent, family member, caregiver, or loved one isn’t tied to how perfect the season looks. It’s about the love, connection, and resilience you model.
When things go sideways (because they will), try reframing challenges as opportunities to grow together. Spilled cocoa? A chance to laugh and bond over the cleanup. Family squabble? A moment to teach conflict resolution. Every imperfection is a chance to show your child that love and connection matter more than perfection.
The holidays are less about the picture-perfect moments and more about the small, meaningful connections we create. By embracing a strengths-based approach, leveraging tools like One-Minute Interventions, Mind-Body Skills, and GoodTimer, while focusing on Belonging, Mastery, Independence, and Generosity, you can guide your loved ones through the season with resilience, hope, and maybe even a little humor.
This year, let’s shift the focus from doing more to being more—more present, more connected, and more intentional. In the end, it’s not about having the perfect holiday—it’s about creating a home where everyone feels safe, loved, and strong enough to face whatever comes next.
And if all else fails, remember this: cookies can be re-baked, but memories—however imperfect—last a lifetime.
Trauma-informed education reminds us of a fundamental truth: resilience is not built in isolation. When schools and families join forces, we cultivate a nurturing environment where children can truly thrive, even after experiencing hardship. Our classrooms may provide safe havens, but the full power of trauma-informed education blossoms when we engage families in the journey. Here’s a look at how educators can partner with caregivers to create a seamless, supportive bridge between school and home—and some creative strategies to get everyone on board.
1. Start with Strengths, End with Hope – The ‘Resilience Sandwich’
Picture this: you’re meeting with a caregiver about a child’s needs. The conversation begins, and it’s easy to fall into the “problems and fixes” loop. Sound familiar? Instead, try framing the talk like a resilience sandwich—open and close the discussion with a focus on the child’s strengths. By recognizing what’s working, you create a hopeful tone that acknowledges the child’s potential. When you conclude with hope, caregivers walk away feeling empowered rather than overwhelmed.
Bridge Builder: The Resilience Sandwich Approach
Open with Strengths: Share positive qualities and resilient traits you’ve noticed in the child.
Identify Growth Areas with Empathy: Discuss challenges in the middle, focusing on understanding, not judgment.
Close with a Plan for Hope: Outline a collaborative approach that encourages families to see themselves as crucial members of the support team.
2. Empathy as a Superpower – Embracing ‘Active Listening’
Active listening may seem like a buzzword, but it’s an absolute superpower in trauma-informed education. When caregivers share their experiences, resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Instead, listen fully, nodding to show you’re with them in that moment. Empathy builds a bridge of trust and gives caregivers the space to share insights only they know.
Bridge Builder: Empathy Ears
Pause and Reflect: After a caregiver shares, take a breath before responding. This shows you’re fully considering their words.
Ask, Don’t Assume: Sometimes, the most helpful question is, “Can you tell me more about that?” Remember, stay curious!
Validate, Validate, Validate: A simple “I can see why that would be challenging” goes a long way in creating mutual respect.
3. Empower the Expert – Make Caregivers Partners, Not Spectators
Parents and caregivers often feel like they’re being brought in as spectators rather than collaborators to their child’s experiences, especially at school. A simple shift in language can change that. Ask for their insights instead of telling them what needs to be done. Caregivers know their children better than anyone, and inviting their expertise can turn a potentially difficult conversation into a productive partnership.
Bridge Builder: The Co-Pilot Mindset
Invite Their Expertise: Ask questions like, “What works best for you at home?” or “How do you think we could help him/her feel more comfortable?”
Celebrate Contributions: If a parent shares a successful strategy, acknowledge it. This builds confidence and reinforces their role in the support plan.
Adapt as Needed: Some families may hesitate to engage; patience and flexibility here can make all the difference.
4. Rising Above Resistance – A Curious and Compassionate Approach
Resistance from caregivers can arise for countless reasons: denial, overwhelm, or even fear. Instead of viewing resistance as an obstacle, approach it as a signal. Behind every form of resistance is a story or worry—take time to understand the “why” behind it.
Bridge Builder: Curiosity vs. Judgment
Remain Patient and Curious: If a caregiver seems defensive, ask open-ended questions, such as, “What feels most important for us to address together?”
Reframe with Positivity: Keep redirecting the conversation to the child’s growth and well-being, highlighting what is great about their child. There is always an opportunity to reframe what is misinterpreted as an “undesired behavior” as a child’s secret superpower with just a simple mindset shift.
Normalize Resistance: Try saying things like, “It’s okay to feel unsure. Many families feel the same way, and that’s perfectly normal.”
5. The Power of Predictability – Aligning School and Home Support
Kids who experience trauma often crave predictability. By aligning support at school and home, we can provide them with a consistent, reassuring structure. This means working with caregivers to share behavior support plans, update each other on changes, use one common language or key phrases, and check in about any shifts in the child’s behavior or progress.
Bridge Builder: The Predictability Partnership
Create Shared Goals: Together with caregivers, decide on a few simple, shared goals for home and school. These might be about routines, behavioral expectations, or rewards.
Encourage Regular Updates: Suggest brief check-ins, even if just through a quick email or note.
Celebrate Wins Together: Small victories are big steps for children coping with trauma. Celebrate them with caregivers to build a sense of shared success.
6. Turn Every Moment into a Motivational Moment
At the end of each interaction, leave caregivers with a hopeful reminder. Whether it’s a shared smile over a child’s progress or a kind word of encouragement, these final words can make all the difference.
Bridge Builder: High-Five Farewells
End on an Upbeat Note: Remind caregivers that, together, they’re making a positive impact on their child’s life. Provide optimistic closure, looking forward to the next opportunity to connect.
Highlight the Potential: Share a specific strength or growth you’ve noticed in the child.
Reiterate Partnership: Reinforce that both of you are on the same team, working together to nurture resilience and healing. Empathize and express gratitude for their time, dedication, and support!
Engaging families in trauma-informed education isn’t just beneficial—it’s essential. When we extend a hand to caregivers, we’re inviting them into a shared mission: to support, uplift, and heal. By embracing empathy, active listening, and a spirit of collaboration, we can create safe spaces where every child is given the gift of resilience. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it—one conversation, one small step, one resilience sandwich at a time.
Have you ever left your phone charger at home on a busy day, and your phone’s battery starts flashing red? You’re doing everything you can to keep it alive—lowering the brightness, closing apps, turning off notifications—because, let’s face it, once it dies, you feel disconnected from the world. Now imagine if that feeling of running on empty didn’t go away, no matter what you did. That’s a bit like what’s happening to kids who’ve experienced trauma—except it’s their bodies and minds that are running on low, stuck in survival mode.
Kids who’ve been through trauma live with their internal “battery” constantly drained, and their nervous system is working overtime. But here’s the good news: just like you can find a charger and bring your phone back to life, we can help kids recharge and reset. Science tells us that healing is not only possible, but with the right support, kids can bounce back and even grow stronger. Let’s break down how stress affects the nervous system and, most importantly, how we can help these kids thrive.
Stress and the Nervous System: Running on Empty
When a child experiences something scary or upsetting—like witnessing violence, dealing with abuse, or going through a major loss—their body reacts as if it’s in danger. Think of it like their alarm system going off. In small doses, stress is totally normal. It’s what gets us moving when we’re in trouble, kind of like how you sprint to the car when you realize you left your coffee on the roof (oops!).
But for kids who’ve been through trauma, their alarm system gets stuck on “high alert.” Their body is always ready to fight, flee, or freeze—just like when you’re about to hit reply-all on an email by mistake. The problem is, when their nervous system is stuck in this mode, it’s like running with the engine revving at full speed all the time. It wears them down, making it harder for them to focus, learn, or just relax.
What Happens When Stress Takes Over?
The brain is pretty amazing, but it’s also very sensitive to stress—especially when kids are young and still developing. Chronic stress (the kind that sticks around) can mess with brain development, affecting things like memory, attention, and self-control. You might notice these kids have trouble sitting still, seem easily frustrated, or are quick to react to even small problems.
It’s not that they’re being difficult on purpose. Their brain and body are just trying to keep them safe, even if there’s no actual danger in the moment. The stress they’ve experienced has left them feeling like they always need to be on guard. So that tantrum over a forgotten pencil? It’s less about the pencil and more about their nervous system saying, “Uh-oh, something’s wrong! We need to act now!”
But Here’s the Good News: The Brain Can Heal
Here’s the hopeful part: the brain is like Play-Doh—it’s flexible and can be reshaped. Even though trauma can cause damage, the brain can heal, especially when kids are surrounded by safe, caring adults. This is where you come in.
When kids have at least one reliable adult in their life who is calm, patient, and understanding, it’s like plugging their phone back into the charger. You help their nervous system calm down, allowing their brain to switch from “survival mode” to “learning mode.” In other words, you help them realize the world isn’t always as scary as their brain is telling them.
How You Can Help: Practical Tips to Support Kids
You don’t need to be a superhero (though you probably already are to these kids) to help them heal. There are some simple things you can do that make a huge difference:
Create a safe, predictable environment: Kids who’ve experienced trauma need to know what’s coming next. It’s like going to your favorite restaurant—you know what to expect, and that makes you feel comfortable. Routines and clear rules help kids feel safe, which gives their nervous system a break.
Help them calm down (without saying “calm down”): Ever had someone tell you to calm down when you’re really stressed? Yeah, it doesn’t work. Instead, show them how to calm their bodies through breathing exercises or even silly things like stretching like a cat or shaking out the “wiggles.” Sometimes moving their bodies is what helps the brain settle down.
Focus on their strengths: We all like to feel good at something. Instead of focusing on the challenges they’re having, look for what they’re good at. Maybe they’re super creative, really great at helping others, or a whiz with numbers. Build them up with their strengths, and it helps their confidence grow, which also helps their brain heal.
Build relationships, not rules: Sure, kids need rules, but even more, they need connection. When they know you’re on their side, they’ll feel safer and more open to learning. Spend time listening to them and showing you care, even when things get tough. That bond is like a safety net for their nervous system.
Practice patience (and lots of it): Healing takes time, and kids will have good days and bad days. Sometimes it’ll feel like you’re taking one step forward and two steps back, but every moment of kindness and understanding helps. Even when you think they aren’t noticing, they are.
Why Resilience is Possible (and Likely)
Now, let’s talk about resilience. You know that feeling when your favorite plant that you thought was dead suddenly sprouts new leaves? That’s resilience—life finding a way to bounce back, even after hardship. Kids are the same way. They have an incredible ability to heal, grow, and thrive, especially when surrounded by love and support.
Scientists have found that resilience isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s something that can be built over time through positive relationships and experiences. So even though kids may start with some tough breaks, with the right support, they can grow stronger than ever before.
You Are Their Charger
You’re not just another adult in their life—you’re their charger, the person who helps them recharge when they’re running on empty. By being there for them, providing structure, and showing them love and patience, you’re helping their nervous system heal. You’re showing them that they don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode—that there’s a whole world of possibility ahead of them.
So, whether you’re a parent, teacher, or mentor, know that the work you’re doing is powerful. Every small act of kindness, every moment of patience, is like a drop in the bucket of resilience. Kids may not always show it right away, but they’re soaking up every bit of support you give them.
The Bottom Line
Stress can wreak havoc on a child’s nervous system, but with the right support, kids can heal. You don’t need to be perfect—just present. You don’t need to have all the answers—just a listening ear. And in time, you’ll see these kids begin to bloom, growing stronger and more resilient than ever before. Your role in their lives is nothing short of transformative.
So, keep showing up, keep believing in their ability to heal, and remember: resilience is real, and you’re a big part of making it happen.
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